Merry Christmas 2021

 Right. So, I got Ethan out of the hospital yesterday (12/24/21) and brought Cathleen into the doctor's. Both kiddos have C-Diff which is contagious and is treated with 10 days of antibiotics. So, masking around the house, lots of hand washing and separate bathrooms. Also, the kids can't go into the kitchen, though I may need to change that when I go back to work on Monday. We were going to go to KC for Christmas with the family tomorrow, but since we're all potentially contagious we are staying home. In fact, we're not having Christmas until next weekend when we're all feeling better. I'm feeling fine, just a little sore from my cleaning frenzy yesterday. 

Robert is always hurting due to his arm, but he's got surgery scheduled for the 20th of January. Thursday, he went in to have the fluid in his left arm aspirated and to talk to anesthesia about the surgery. They are going to culture the fluid to see if and what sort of infection he has there. He's such a good sport about what must be very painful nearly all the time. 

As for me, I've been cleaning and care-taking and thanking God that I quit teaching. There is no way I could do such an all-encompassing job and still take care of all these people. I am looking forward to getting some official training at work. Hopefully soon, though no word yet. I tried a book club here in Hiawatha, but I really didn't enjoy any of the three selections, so I'll try another. I think there are two more in town--Black lives matter and a murder mystery club. I need to go back to the library to find out about what the selections are. Gotta be better than Searching for Tom Hanks, The 13th Gift, and Wildflower.  I need some conflict and expert writing in my reading. 

December 21, 2021

Capping off this year, my son was just admitted to the hospital (he’s been there since about 4:30am when he woke me) for a gut infection—no holes, thankfully!—and getting IV pain meds and antibiotics. Since there is still COVID (Delta, Omicron, fa-la-la-la-la), he had to be tested for that before admittance and they had to give him a chest x-ray in addition to the CT. This poor young man has really been through the wringer! Please, please, let the biologic (Entyvio) work so that he can go into remission. If anyone deserves a break, he does. 

Yesterday, Monday, I drove Robert to KU Medical Center to see Dr. Fox. He was referred to KU by Dr. Jake Deister, the doctor who did his full left shoulder replacement (stemming from a fall at work in June of 2019). In January of 2020, he fell and broke the right shoulder, but no surgery was necessary. Last month, November 2021, he fell when he was helping me push Ethan’s car into the driveway and broke the arm just under the implant. We took him to Hiawatha Hospital where they x-rayed and scanned him at least three times, but couldn’t really see what was wrong. 

They could tell he had a broken arm, but they couldn’t understand what they were seeing in his shoulder and upper arm. The reason for that become clear as Dr. Fox looked at all the x-rays (including the ones his staff took yesterday). The implant, he said, had come loose. In fact, it had been loose for some time and had broken the bone running parallel to it, causing bone loss and pain for Robert. Six weeks into this poor man’s third broken bone, we find out the break in November might have been a blessing in disguise—showing us why he’d been in pain so long. 

I’ve never seen a doctor so furious as Dr. Fox was after examining Robert and viewing the x-rays. He needed several moments of silence as he tried to determine what to say to us. When he told us that the implant had failed, likely due to faulty work by the other surgeon and certainly faulty after care, we were both stunned into silence. We both felt so betrayed and so angry that it was difficult to speak. Once Dr. Fox got himself into control, he said he would take care of Robert. He told us he was concerned that there might be infection around the implant, so Robert is going back to KU on Thursday (with Cathleen this time, I don’t have enough days off right now) to get his shoulder aspirated and speak with the anesthesiologist. Then the fluid needs to be cultured for two weeks and he’ll have a virtual visit with Dr. Fox to discuss the surgery. It’s scheduled for January 11, 2022.

If there is any fortune to be had in this whole mess it is that since the original surgery caused the damage, this will still be covered under worker’s compensation. My boys are not doing well and I am heartbroken for their pain. If I could take it, I would, but that’s not the way the world works. 

Weather or not . . .

 The news has been much about the weather lately. There were severe tornados in Kentucky killed many people and wiped out several towns. Today in Kansas, on December 15, the temperature is expected to be in the 70s. No, that is not a typo. 70s with rain and extreme winds up to 70 mph. I didn’t even bring a coat to work today. Reading National Geographic lately, the melting of glaciers and icebergs has been much on my mind. With the technology we have now, you can see before/after photos of the ground previously covered by those massive sheets of ice now laid bare as fields or melted into rivers or ponds. Global warming deniers will soon have no alternative but to accept the reality. Too late, I fear for any change we humans make to save what we’ve destroyed. If I use myself as an example, I do recycle paper, metal, plastic and glass, but I still USE those materials, which means that they are being made for me to use up and throw away. I’m truly a bit disgusted with myself. I’m just as much a problem as anyone else on the planet. I drive to work and to visit family in KC, contributing to greenhouse gasses. I eat meat daily, I shop at Walmart and Amazon. Even with things as bad as they are, there’s no incentive to change. Our government hasn’t mandated or incentivized a switch to electric vehicles or public transportation. Not that I think the government can solve all our environmental problems. Even if everyone on the planet stopped consuming, the overall effect would not be seen a long time. Really, the only good thing for the planet is if people suddenly disappeared. Something like that happened during the pandemic’s first wave when whole countries basically shut down for weeks. Skies cleared, water ran pure (ish). Such a tease! Then we went right back to our consuming ways and dirtied things up again.

 

My own internal weather has been pretty cloudy lately. Quitting my job freed up some emotional room, but caring for my family has filled that space. I am overwhelmed with caretaking duties more often now. Robert’s broken arm/shoulder means he is virtually useless at helping around the house, nor will I be able to ask him to help me outside after he heals for fear that he’ll fall again and break something else. So far, it’s been shoulder/shoulder/arm. What might it be next time? Ethan is still struggling. He can make himself a meal and take his own shower, but he’s so weak and sick that he can’t do much else. It’s a constant worry. His doctor believes that the Entyvio is working (at least a recent blood test showed that he’s not developed antibodies to it) but his body is metabolizing it too fast. They are wrangling with the insurance to get him infusions every six weeks rather than ever yeight. I am cautiously hopeful. Cathleen has her own issues, and she’s been as helpful as she can be, but that first year of teaching is so, so stressful. She’s been sick frequently, not uncommon. She is starting to think about getting her own place. I will be delighted to help her move this summer. Perhaps an apartment will open up, but if not, she has enough money saved up and enough income that she would surely be able to get herself a house here in town. It would be nice for all of us for her to have her own place.

 

To the good, I like my job and my coworkers. I’m still grateful that I quit teaching—the release of worry and stress is still awesome to me. I’m in good health and I can see my immediate family every day. I’ve still got both parents.  

Missing KC

 The holidays are upon us and my, they make me miss being near family. Sunday (12/12/2021), I drove down to KC to have dinner with the Beards on the Plaza. It was a nice meal with Nancy and Brianna joining us from South Carolina, Annette, Madison, James and their two kiddos and of course mom and dad. My family was too ill to go. Robert’s broken arm is still in a sling (six weeks later!), but we’re going to KC Med for a consult on the 20^th, so maybe not too longer. With our luck, he’ll need surgery and he’ll be in a cast. 

Ethan finally got news from his doctor that he’s reacting well to the Entyvio, but will have to have it every 6 weeks instead of every 8 because he’s metabolizing it too fast. Cathleen had a whopper of a cold last week and taught through it, so pretty much was down this weekend. I love my family very, very much, but sometimes I want to run away. I won’t, don’t worry. 

On Saturday (12/11/2021), I finally went to see Hiawatha’s Tuba Christmas, put on continuously (except for last year—COVID) since 1984. It was really something—9 tuba and euphonium players and Christmas songs. With the deep bass of the instruments and the two-story entry of the courthouse, you could literally feel the music in your body. Professional it wasn’t, but I enjoyed going. Wish some of my family could have come with me. It’s been really hard getting into the Christmas spirit this year, but I persist. I’ve been watching The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, which is pretty Christmassy

Go Away 2021!!!!

 Once again, I’ll be glad to see this year go. The positives for this year: I quit my very stressful job at Horton High School (9/10/2021 was my last day) and about a month later, was hired by DCF to process food assistance applications at the local office (10/13/2021 was my first day). Less pay, but much less stress, shorter commute. Cathleen finally got hired, after two years of substituting, for the local USD415 school. She’s teaching 3^rd grade and by all accounts excelling. She’s pretty tired most days, but considering the circus that is the American educational system, that is to be expected. She loves the kiddos, and they light up when they see Miss Grissom! 

Ethan started a new biologic this year, switching from Humira to Entyvio to control his Crohn’s disease. It seems to be very, very slowly working—I almost hate to be optimistic at this point. He has been throwing up less frequently the last month or so, that’s how we know it is working. His doctor told him he had three times the inflammation a normal person should have. My poor baby. He is bored, but he can’t concentrate on school or anything prolonged because he is still taking Tramadol to control the intense abdominal pain. Maybe he’ll be able to go back for his junior year the fall of 2022? That’s it for good stuff. Robert fell and broke his left arm, just below the shoulder implant, so he has been in a sling this month. Since he is so very sedentary, he’s been gaining weight. I have too, so we have that in common. I haven’t quite gained back all I’d lost, but pretty close. My new job is very sedentary.

 One other good thing I thought of—I joined a book club that meets once a month and am thinking of starting up yoga again.

New Normal

 9/30/2021

The phrase "It's the New Normal" gets tossed around frequently these days. Hearing it always makes me smile a bit because normal is such a subjective term. I believe people use that term to help them resolve the cognitive dissonance created (largely) by the pandemic. Less so, by the political and social upheaval in the US. There has been so much NEW, so fast that our emotional, social, and physiological systems can't possibly keep up. That has certainly been the case in my life! I've decided that the "new" part of the phrase is OK, but society can keep the "normal" part. No such animal. 

Humans and other animals on planet Earth have always had to incorporate new experiences into our lives. That's how we learn. There is, however, a point at which we can no longer accept new input. We have to be granted time to incorporate the new input. If we don't have that time, most organisms will grind to a halt, freeze, run or die. In a small sense, that's what happened to me on September 10 when I left my teaching job (of 15 years--4 at that location) in the middle of class. My personal, professional, social and emotional lives had not had time to  aggregate the new input and my body/brain forced me to stop. 

I'm grateful for having an understanding husband and family, a steady income and all the other things that middle-class white people tend to take for granted. Without that safety net, I'm not sure what I would have done. Stayed in a job that I had begun dreading? I don't know--that's the most dire consequence I can realistically give myself. I would not have had to sell the house or live in my car or apply for food/shelter assistance, but many would have had to do so. Many are doing so right now. 

One of the things I've always been trained to do is to never leave a job without one in the wings. This time, I didn't have one, which felt like betraying my own system of conduct. I did begin applying almost immediately and was fortunate enough to interview for two interesting positions. I was offered one today and accepted. The pay is about $10,000/year less than what I was making but the benefits of not having to plan every minute of the day, take home work, think about the job every waking hour and having an entire hour for lunch!!! far offset the financial hit. 

My normal is having a job, a family who loves me and living in a beautiful little town in the Midwest of America. When new things come along, I just have to remember to give myself the grace to spend time with them. 

End of an Era (of teaching)

 9/16/2021

Yes, we're still in the pandemic, if anyone is counting. As of today, (according to Johns Hopkins Covid-19 site, my source from the beginning) there have been 4.6 million deaths worldwide from 226,810,008 confirmed cases. On the plus side, there have been 5.8 trillion vaccine doses administered worldwide though the US is far and away the proud owner of both the most monthly cases (4.3 million) and monthly deaths (41,712). India has, cumulatively, 200,000 fewer deaths from Covid-19 and it goes down from there. Had {we} not politicized the virus, masks, vaccines, etc., we wouldn't be on the top of the pile of the dead. It doesn't always look better from the top. 

For me personally, five days ago I walked away from teaching. I was in class during the 9/11 remembrance and at the top of every hour a teacher would come on and say where they were when it happened. As I was teaching high school, none of the students had been alive at the time, so it seemed very much like ancient history to them. And why shouldn't it? So naturally, the kids were having difficulty being respectful, but that's just kids. They were in no way the cause of what happened next. 

Which is that I started to cry, and couldn't stop. The 9/11 remembrances were just the icing on the cake of a long, hard slog of personal and professional challenges. 

PROFESSIONAL: Of the three panic attacks I've had in my life, all three have been as a teacher with the last two being in my current district. Last year, we came back to school amid constant changes, reconfiguring, endless discussion, decisions that immediately were reversed (usually by the CDC or the governor), anger and fear. I was OK coming back to school during most of the high-school only training, but when we had convocation and I walked into the commons with every member of the district present and very few wearing masks I was terrified. I walked back out and stayed out a while until people started trickling in to the auditorium, then I went in to sit in the back, but had to duck out again to hyperventilate in the bathroom. That was the start.

After viewing my class numbers (20-25) and the size of my classroom (very small), I knew I would not be able to social distance there. The principal suggested I teach in another teacher's classroom (most likely without asking that teacher first) and that teacher came down to my classroom and demonstrated how I could fit my desks so that the students would be six feet apart when the CDC was recommending more. It didn't take me long after that to realize that there was no way to be around young people in the building I was in with the community beliefs there were. I drew up my resignation and wrote a check for breaking my contract and was ready to leave. My principal and superintendent met with me the same day and talked me into staying. I wish I'd listened to my gut.

I made it through last year, but it was truly an awful year. Trying to teach online and in person simultaneously didn't really work for anyone and was so tiring. Also, I was not really good at it--my forte is interpersonal relationships and it's very hard to do that if you have to pay attention to the lesson, the interruptions, the in-person students, the online students, the emails, etc., etc. 

PERSONAL: I've spoken here about my son's health, so I won't elaborate, but he's now on a second biologic medication that does not seem to be having much effect. Hence, he is very sick most of the time, in and out of hospitals. My daughter, after two years of constant applications, was finally hired as a third grade teacher for the district in which we live. (I work for a nearby district in a town 20 miles away). So that is good news, but not all stress is bad. My husband has been experiencing some challenges as work as well. 

I'll try to articulate this better in the next entry. Just thinking/writing/talking about it makes me upset.

Class Assignment after the Events of 1/6/2-21

Below is the prompt I gave and my own thoughts upon watching the crazy proceedings of the Capital uprising. I had the students watch the events on CNN, ABC, CBS and Fox News to compare the messages they were getting from a variety of media. I found it really extraordinary how camera angles and word choice can shift perspective.

Thinking about the extraordinary events that occurred yesterday in both DC and across the nation, answer the following:

1.What surprised you? The whole thing surprised me! I did not expect that level of interaction between the protesters and our governing body. The fact that four people died in the melee was shocking when we think about what has always been (in my lifetime anyway), a “peaceful transfer of power.” Nothing was what I expected.
2. What did reporters think you already knew? Reporters assumed some knowledge with the layout of the Capital building and the surrounding area. We saw police cars coming down one of the main roads and then a view of the whole grounds with--they assumed we knew what all of that looked like.
3. What changed, challenged, or confirmed your thinking? I was challenged by the fact that President-Elect Biden spoke publicly before President Trump. I had hoped for some leadership from our duly-elected leaders and was disappointed in the overall response from the current administration.

Inside the Pandemic, Day 28

July 27, 2020

So, still here, COVID-19 cases still going up, especially in US, Brazil, and several other countries. Most countries are in their second waves or have locked it down completely (Australia and New Zealand notably). Johns Hopkins reports today that there are 16,296,635 confirmed cases worldwide. Huge increase from May!!! Fortunately, the worldwide rate of deaths has slowed as healthcare workers have figured this thing out. World-wide, we are at 649,662 deaths. I see from my last entry that “we’re not projected to get” to the number of dead from the 1918 flu pandemic, but it looks like we’re getting dangerously close. Since May, our cases in Brown County have risen to 27, but we are rising rather than flattening (the curve). 

Last week, our governor, God bless and keep her, issued two executive orders that 1) school should be delayed until September 9 and 2) all students and staff should wear masks. Our very Republican state immediately went to work to try and circumvent her orders and did so. The state board of education tied a vote about order 1, thus nullifying it. As for order 2, it is still in debate and will likely be so until we go back to school. I’ve been in several meetings about going back to school and there is a plan in place for F2F (face to face), but also for hybrid and online. It changes all the time. 

In domestic affairs, I’m still working on a project to Dry-Lock the basement and and nearing the end. Super hard rain last night and no leaks (at all!!!) this morning, so yay me. With my dear husband’s help, I also figured out how to use the power washer so I can work on the deck refinishing project as well. There’s also the ongoing project of planning how to teach without touching or getting near anybody or having the students get near each other. Really turns lesson planning on its head! I’ve learned a lot about digital learning though, so that’s good. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 27

 Tuesday, May 19 2020

Last day of school--strangest check out ever! Usually all the teachers are in the building, people are playing music, we all go around and chat with each other. Someone is frantically grading those last essays/tests/projects. The old-timers (who were done grading last week) are hanging out. Sometimes there’s an impromptu party. Not this time. We were only allowed in the building by ones and twos. No kiddos--of course there haven’t been since Spring Break when the COVID-tastrophe happened. I saw three teachers and the secretaries plus one student. Couldn’t hug anyone goodbye or go out for lunch with my teacher friends. 

However, I did have what I call a paradigm change as I was chatting with the language teacher. We hadn’t seen each other in several months and so were catching each other up on what had been happening in our lives. I talked about Ethan’s diagnosis, she talked about baby goats. Now, I know her life is far from perfect, but what she chose to bring to that brief conversation was a happy, nay, joyful event. Although my news was legitimate (and, truthfully, is taking up most of my mental/physical/emotional focus right now) I thought about what she chose to share and how it made my day that much brighter. I’m doubtful my news did the same for her. So the shift I’m going to try to make with myself is to choose to share the parts of my life that will enrich someone else’s. We have enough bad news as it is. 

Speaking of . . . As of today, we’re up to 4,892,550 confirmed cases nationwide (Center for Systems). All nations have begun wide-scale testing, so the figure will most likely go quite a bit higher as we begin to see the complete scale and scope of the thing. Global deaths are 322, 861. For reference, here’s how deaths from COVID in the US stack up against other illnesses (Begley). From the same site as the chart below, 671,000 people died from the flu epidemic in 1918, so we’re not there yet and not projected to get there. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 25 & 26

 Friday, May 15 2020

Ethan had a doctor’s appointment today to check on his skin infection and to update our family practitioner on what happened with the colonoscopy and endoscopy of Monday. We went in early to get a variety of blood tests and stayed later to get him a CT test, all requested by the gastroenterologist. While we were waiting for the CT, Dr. Datti

Saturday, May 16 2020

Today is my baby girl’s birthday. Her 24th. I’m sure when she looked forward to her 24th birthday, being jobless and stuck at home in a world-wide pandemic was not on her list of ideal situations. However, we celebrated the day with cheesecake and a home-made dinner of ricotta gnocchi with spinach cream sauce. It was yummy (if I do say so myself) and we had a nice time together as a family. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 24

 Tuesday, May 12 2020

In four days, my daughter will be 23. I could tell this morning that it is going to be a hard day for her. She’s not much of a smiler in the best of times, but this morning her face just looked like a blank--no emotion at all. One of the kiddos is suffering physically, the other mentally. I’ll get her out on a walk after I’m done with classes today. I’m not sure it helps her, but I’m a firm believer in fresh air and sunshine--and it can’t hurt!

Ethan says he feels better today. He looks better, and on only two days of steroids. Could it be psychological? Not sure, but it’s good to see him moving around a bit more. Granted, he’s still spending 95% of his time in bed, but his hips are mostly gone, so of course he’s in pain from that. I’m just happy that his gut seems to be feeling better and he can eat. Maybe he’ll start putting on some weight now. 

As far as COVID-19, the world is up to 4,229.074 confirmed cases with 289,349 deaths globally. I mentioned that we had a case in Brown County, and one of my students confirmed that the case was someone she knew in Horton. In Hiawatha, they tested the waste water and found confirmation of coronavirus in that. Believe you me, that caused quite a stir--people thought it meant that the drinking water was not safe (not sure how they could confuse waste water with drinking water??) so the local news was busy trying to clear that up. I’m including a screen grab from the Johns Hopkins site, below: Notice how North America and Europe are mostly red? It didn’t look like that in January, I can assure you! It just reminds me of all the disaster movies I’ve ever watched. There’s always that one scene where the show the computer simulation of the earthquake or the missles or the disease spreading and it happens so fast, and you think-- “That could never happen in real life!”--news flash, it’s happening!

It’s hard to believe, but we are actually living through a world-wide pandemic. They never talk about how boring it really is. I guess that wouldn’t make good cinema!

Inside the Pandemic, Day 23

 Monday, May 11, 2020

Whew, it was a long day today. Ethan and I left before 7:00am to get to Topeka for his appointment with Dr. Datti. They let me come in the building, but I was not able to go back with him when he had his procedure. I wish I had been able to--it’s pretty scary doing stuff like that by yourself whether you are 19 or 91! Moral support is so important--I believe it is a vital aspect of our physical and mental health. I waited in the waiting room until he was done, then the doctor talked to me. He said that, although he can’t confirm it until all the biopsies come back and the blood tests are run, he is certain Ethan has Crohns Disease. He said it is a textbook example. The endoscopy was clear, meaning there are no sores or lesions in his esophogus, stomach or upper GI. However, the colonoscopy turned up numerous lesions, sores and “granulated” patches throughout his lower intestines and colon. They showed me the pictures, which were honestly pretty painful to look at. No wonder this poor kiddo has been in so much pain! 

The doctor said that they’d put him on steroids until all of the tests come back, and then start him on a biologic (like Stelara or Humira) like you see advertised on TV. These suppress his immune response, but since it is already fighting the wrong thing, I don’t see that it is a negative. My poor baby! We got home about 1:00, then I went out again to get his steroid so he could start on it right away. By dinner time he said he felt better. He even came out and ate dinner with us--something he hasn’t been able to do in several days. I’m very excited to finally know what it is we’re fighting. Of course, my first reaction was to start doing research and order some books about it. The more you know, the more you can help. One thing that is going to be strange for me is the diet part of this thing. The doctor said he shouldn’t have raw fruits or vegetables--they should be “well cooked” is the terminology he used. I assume that translates to “mushy”. His body just can’t do the processing a healthy body can. I have my work cut out for me.

Inside the Pandemic, Day 22

 Sunday, May 9 2020

Tomorrow’s the big day! I take Ethan to Topeka for his double scope and (hopefully) find out what is going on with his poor body. It is crazy to be this excited for a medical procedure, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. I desperately want my poor son to feel better and to be able to get out of bed and to walk down the hall without pain, to put on some weight, to have more good days than bad days. I don’t think that’s too much to ask!

While I’m anxiously awaiting tomorrow, Robert and I both check in with our moms as it is mother’s day. Just goes to show you that the world keeps on spinning no matter what else is going on in life. I made sure to send both our mothers a nice card and they received them on time so that was good. My mother is mostly blind due to macular degeneration and advanced diabetic complications. I helped her order an Amazon Echo so that she could have a computer connection  verbally, but my dad one-upped me this weekend. He helped her to get a books for the blind machine that will read to her. (I tried to get her into Audible, but she didn’t feel like it was something she could work with. She’s a severe techno-phobe.)  They sent her a machine that looks like an old-fashioned tape recorder and a disk for a mystery which she’s already listened to Dowloaded Braille). I’m glad she has something to “read” because books have always been an important part of our lives.

Inside the Pandemic, Day 20

 Friday, May 8, 2020

The end to another week where all the days seem the same and nothing is any different. It’s like living in a bad sitcom where nothing is really funny and they don’t have a laugh track. Everyone in my family but me has serious mental or physical health concerns and it is just exhausting. I would never tell them that, but I think they know anyway. My husband broke his shoulder in June of 2019 and had to have a total shoulder replacement. Then, seven months later, he slipped on the ice at his work and broke the other shoulder. Not as badly, but his mobility is seriously limited. The only good thing about that was that they both happened at work, so we didn’t have to pay any medical costs. The reason I bring him up is that he can no longer help around the house or yard and it is uncomfortable for him to drive. That places more work on me. He is able to go to his job (at home, for now) and makes almost twice as much as me, so that’s another positive.

My daughter has depression and anxiety (as we all do, here), but her medication has not been working lately and she’s been severely depressed. Sleeping all the time, no energy, lack of enthusiasm for life, etc. I got her to see a counselor at Kanza, but I am pretty sure her medication needs to be changed and she’s only had one (virtual visit) so far, so they haven’t made any changes to her medication. She also has a college degree but has not been successful in obtaining a job so far. I know it is very frustrating for her, but there is really little I can do about it. 

Finally, my son . . . my poor son. On Monday, we will go in to Topeka and he’ll get an endoscopy and a colonoscopy so we can finally see what is going on in his gut. So far it has been all guess-work and so frustrating! He’s in constant pain and has what seems to be unending nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, etc. I’ll be very excited to finally put a name on this illness and to get him some effective treatment. He had a video conference with the doctor last week (?) and Dr. Datti expressed concern that he’s in such poor health. This is what I’ve been saying all along, but to try to get him seen during this pandemic has been sooo difficult!

Inside the Pandemic, Day 19

 Monday, May 4, 2020

May the fourth be with you! If you’re not a Star Wars fan, you may not recognize that reference, but I am, so I wish it to you. So much more fun to say it to someone in person--you get that little eye roll or smile of recognition. Or else the blank look and then you get to explain it--also fun.The good news is that Ethan is out of the hospital and back home. He’s eating (a little) and not vomiting very much, but the pain in his hips is pretty bad. The humidity of the rain/thunder storm is not helping! More good news, he has a virtual doctor’s meeting tomorrow at 11:15 with the gastroenterologist so that he can be scheduled for a scope. I don’t think I’ve been so excited for a surgical procedure! They will take a biopsy of his intestines and finally be able to diagnose his stomach problems, then (hopefully) give him some medication to start him on the road to recovery. Sooner the better. When we get that nailed down, we can finally get his hips replaced so that he can walk around like a normal 19 year old. 

Rheumatoid arthritis affects all kinds of people, but usually older adults (past 40). It’s pretty rare in teenagers but does happen. According to Mayo Clinic, at least 40% of people who have rheumatoid arthritis experience symptoms that are NOT in their joints and this is the type that Ethan has. It’s attacked his bones and may be the cause of his skin infections. Basically, it’s an autoimmune disease, which means that his body is attacking itself (Rheumatoid Arthritis).There are medications for it (as well as for the Crohn’s or IBS), but he’s got to get the stomach issues dealt with first. I just hate to see him suffering and it’s so hard to wait! At least now, with some of the stay-at-home strictures lifted, we can make some progress.

On the COVID-19 front, the first case in Brown County was announced yesterday. Obviously, nothing was revealed about the person who has it, but they are going to try to back-trace that person and see who else they came into contact with. If that person went to Wal-Mart recently (or anywhere else the public is gathering) we’re all in trouble! As of today, Johns Hopkins University (previously quoted) 3,552,985 confirmed cases world-wide with 249,079 deaths. In the US, 7,123,222 people have been tested (again, just a fraction of the number of people in the US) which is good news. So far Wyandotte and Johnson counties in KS have the highest number of cases and deaths. I wish my parents didn’t live in Wyandotte county, but they’ve been staying home for the most part. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 18

 Friday May 1, 2020 

I called my son as I was out walking today (did another 5 miles) and it was good to hear his voice. He hadn’t seen the doctor yet, but he is hopeful he can come home today. He sounds stronger and he said the new anti-nausea drug they put him on has really helped him keep food down. He asked for ice cream and I told him I’d go to Walmart and get him some. It’s a beautiful day outside and as I passed by, I told him about the dogs, people, bunnies and birds as I passed by them. He’s been confined to bed for weeks, so he hasn’t been able to appreciate the lovely spring weather we’ve been having.

Update--they’re keeping him one more day. He’s crushed, but there is nothing I can do. I called the hospital yesterday to see if I could visit him and they said no as if they’d said that very thing many, many times. They probably had. I can’t imagine how lonely it is to be in the hospital (never the most fun place) all alone, especially when you are feeling so low anyway.

Inside the Pandemic, Day 17

 Wednesday, April 29, 2020

In news of a personal note, my son had to be admitted to the hospital today. He’s been struggling with several significant health problems. He has rheumatoid arthritis which has destroyed both his hips (the doctors say they look like the hips of an 80 year old). He’ll need them replaced, but the doctors won’t do that until they diagnose his stomach issues. He’s had vomiting and diarrhea for months and after going through every other medical cause, they believe he has Crohn’s Disease or IBS, but can’t tell without a GI scope. Of course we couldn’t get the scope because it is an “elective” procedure and they cancelled all of those due to COVID-19. I know he’s not the only one with health issues that has been affected by this pandemic, but he’s MY one and it’s killing me to see him so skinny, weak and in pain. On top of those two things, his body’s so worn down that he’s been getting cellulitis (skin infection) in his feet and has to have IV antibiotics daily to stop the infection. 

The other way the pandemic affects me is that I can’t be with him in the hospital. Previously, when he’s been admitted, I went with him and stayed with him most of the time. Now, they won’t even let me in the hall. He’s called several times from the hospital, near tears because he’s lonely, fearful and in tremendous pain and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s so very hard. If I could take from him all those complaints I would bear them willingly. A 19 year old boy/man should not have to deal with any of that!

I’ve been walking about five miles  a day (for me it is 11,261 steps) just to burn off my nervous energy. It helps me sleep, sort of, but I don’t think I’ll be sleeping very much tonight--worried about my son!

Inside the Pandemic, Day 16

 Tuesday, April 28, 2020

Thankfully, we are almost at the end of April! It’s been such a long month due to many things; the quarantine, my son’s illness, my daughter’s lack of job, my husband and I working from home, missing out on all the school activities that would normally be this month. I am glad to say that it looks like the stay at home order will be lifted on May 3 (Wheat). That means that slowly, slowly, the restaurants, theaters, hairdressers/barbers and all the other small businesses that have survived the shutdown will open back up. It’s going to look strange for a while as we maintain social distancing, but I’m really looking forward to it. 

This morning I took the dog on a walk, as usual, then went downstairs to do a lower body weight routine, but was confronted by a sewage backup. So I cleaned that up instead. So gross--I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Now my basement is cleaned and sanitized, though. I hope to do the weight workout later today--I’m trying to stick to twice a week weights (lower on Tuesday, upper on Friday) as well as walking and jogging. Speaking of which, I was walking down Oregon street yesterday, listening to my new Stephen King book, when who should pull into a parking space ahead of me but Alijah Collins! We had a short chat (he was on his way to work) and it was so nice to see a former student that it made my whole day brighter. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 15

 Thursday, April 23, 2020

As the kids say, it’s day 30270509 of quarantine and I’m doing the same thing I was doing yesterday (“What’s that Brain?” “Planning to take over the world, Pinky!”) Went down to Walmart this morning and most people were wearing masks. I may not understand how masks work well, but I do think they are more effective in protecting you if they actually cover your nose and mouth. Many people were “wearing” their masks pulled down to their chins. Minimally effective, I would say. I wore one of the home-made ones I sewed up from a plan on the internet. I tried to cite one just now, but the one I used won’t cite. They are easy to find if you just search “make your own mask”. 

Last night I talked to my parents, who are elderly and thus at high risk. My mother (a diabetic, obsese and in poor health anyway) has Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (or ITP), which is an immune disease where her body attacks her platelets and makes her bruise and bleed easily (Immune). It is treated with steroids, and sometimes an IV infusion. Her sister has it as well and when I called her last night she said her platelet count was 17 (it should be 70 or so). 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 14

 Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Had a really interesting Zoom seminar on dyslexia yesterday. Unfortunately, I was unable to see anything on my computer, so I called in, which meant that I was on the phone for four hours yesterday. Probably a record for me. The instructor was really good about referring to things on the slides for people who couldn’t see. I was able to dart out to the internet and look up the things to which she was referring so that I could understand what she was talking about. **Humble-brag** I took six pages of notes. However, I feel like it just touched the tip of the iceberg about knowing how to work with dyslexic students at the high school level. Luckily, she referred to two books that should be helpful--they’re on my TBR list!

Right now I’m reading a book by Temple Grandin, Animals Make Us Human. If you don’t know who she is, Grandin is an autistic woman who developed systems to help make animal care (and slaughter) more humane--primarily based on the “squeeze box” she developed to help her deal with her own autistic symptoms. You can find more about her at her website, templegrandin.com. I’ve read the chapters about dogs, cats and horses so far. Even though I don’t care about horses, it was interesting reading. She and my students have in common that she often writes things like “I’ll tell you about that later,” or “Now I’m going to talk about . . .” Perhaps that’s just her style, but I find that it takes me out of the text. A bit distracting.

In world news, many countries/states are talking about ending quarantine. President Trump has encouraged (by Tweet) residents of at least three states to protest the “draconian” measures created by the quarantine.  Mostly, people are out of work and unable to afford to live and support their families. This is an especially hard time for those who are in service industries that have been closed for months. My sister is in that boat, though as a single parent she is eligible for both unemployment and the stimulus payment of $600 per week made to people who are out of work. 

The COVID-19 confirmed case count is up to 2,585,468 world-wide with 178,845 deaths. There is a lot of talk about “flattening the curve” which means that we (the world) want to reduce the growth of new cases. It’s hard to tell if that is happening or not--hard to look at the big picture when you are a tiny dot of paint in a pointillism canvas being created. An ABC article recently said that it’s beginning to happen (Dastmalchi). We’ll see. Below is a graph from the same article indicating what will happen if we continue social distancing, washing hands, wearing masks, etc (blue) versus just going back to the way things were before the virus (red). Blue, people, blue!

 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 13

 Tuesday, April 21, 2020

One of the (very few) positive outcomes of being in quarantine, is that I have more time for things I like to do (like walking, gardening and being with my kiddos). So, I decided that since one of the things I like to do is to learn, I would take advantage of some of the many free online educational opportunities. My first step was going to classcentral.com which is an aggregate site that shows college-level courses offered for free. I browsed through and found quite a number of courses I was interested in. The one that caught my eye first, though, was one on finding happiness. Since this is quite the valuable commodity right now, I figured I’d give it a try.

The course is taught by an Indian man who also teaches at the University of Texas in the business department. In the first lesson, we’re investigating what happiness is and how it differs from other kinds of success (academic and career). The first article is about a longitudinal study done on a group of Harvard graduates over 75 years and it came to five conclusions: 1) Love matters more than anything, 2) Contentment is more important than money or power, 3) Happiness can be learned, 4) Social connection is vital to happiness, and 5) Challenges and the perspective they offer help make you happier (in the long run). This is interesting stuff so far. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 12

 Monday, April 20, 2020

So, Monday again in quarantine. Today is the day I have class meetings and, as before, no one showed up to my first freshman meeting. True, they are not required to, but it is a little strange to be there “by myself”. I use it as a time to make a general announcement about what happened in our staff meeting, address any issues with assignments and then have team building of some sort. Most of the students that show up to these meetings are keeping busy with school work and some sort of physical activity. I try to do something physical each day as well. Lately it has been gardening. 

Saturday and Sunday I moved a pallet of pea gravel to cover some of the back half of the property. I actually ran out of gravel and will need about six more bags to finish the area I was working on, but I got a good start on it. We live on two lots and most of the second lot is garden that had been left to go to seed for years. It has pretty solid hardscaping, but so, so many weeds. At least I know that’s always an option to keep myself busy!

COVID-19 is still progressing across the US, though it seems to be slowing everywhere except Africa where it is picking up speed. In the world, we’re up to 2,435,876 confirmed cases with 167,592 deaths (Center for Systems). In the USA 749,666 people have been confirmed to have COVID and almost 4,000,000 people have been tested (out of 328.2 million, so about 1% of all people in the US have been tested). Denmark recently asked elementary school students to go back to school while maintaining social distancing protocols (Gargiulo). Some parents have refused to bring their children to school and it’s an ongoing social experiment to be sure. Here in Horton, KS, we’re out for the year, but school is still on-going virtually with varied levels of success. 

NOTE: Just re-read my April 3 entry. Today we’ve more than doubled our confirmed cases. This is NOT the direction in which we want to go, people! Stay home, save lives!

Inside the Pandemic, Day 11

 Friday, April 17, 2020

End of the work week. The assignments are trickling in and grading has begun for the weekend. Quarantine grading is different from in-school grading because I don’t get big chunks of assignments all at once. They come in dribs and drabs, so I can save them up and grade them all at once or grade them as they come in. I usually do a combination of the two. 

In other news, it snowed last night, so this is the snow we woke up to this morning. Sadly, I can’t go out and garden today, but the temperature is supposed to go up later this week, so I should be able to get out and garden. 

A little COVID update: 2,196,109 confirmed cases world-wide with 149, 024 deaths. In the US 3,423,034 have been tested, 54,703 have recovered but 28,998 have died. Our governor has issued another stay-at-home order until May 3. So, there’s that. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 10

 Wednesday, April 15, 2020

I’m attaching a meme that sums up the educational frame of mind that the world has now--it also shows what the corona virus looks like. It looks a lot like a burr you might get in your pants-leg after a walk through the woods. 

The good news for today is that our stimulus check showed up! Now we can pay our bills! I also used a little to buy myself the soundtrack to Hamilton! I’ve wanted that since I went to see the musical with my father and family in Kansas City. It was really amazing and I’ve wanted to hear the music again. I’m a little old-fashioned in that I like to order the CD because I can listen to it in my car. I tend to get fixated on certain albums or artists and listen to that music over and over. Most recently it was John Mayer, but it changes. Anyway, I also get access to the electronic version of the music so I can listen to it while I walk or run as well. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 9

 Monday, April 13, 2020

Today is the end of what would have been our “Easter Break” so I’m technically not required to work today. I don’t really find writing to be much work, though, so I’m going to put an entry in today. We haven’t really celebrated Easter since the kids were little, so yesterday was pretty much a regular day. I did put up an Easter wreath, but that’s about it. 

This week it’s supposed to snow (?) later on, so I’m definitely going to get outside and work in the garden. The whole world is spending a lot of time on the computer now a days so it is even more important to get outside and enjoy nature. 

One good turn of events is that Trump has approved and pushed out a trillion dollar incentive (80 million) to the economy and checks should be coming out this week. Our bank doesn’t show it in yet, but that will really help us out financially. Ethan, my son, has been very sick and was hospitalized twice during Spring Break, so his hospital bill came in. We’re still paying for his college as well, though he ended up withdrawing for this semester. 

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Inside the Pandemic, Day 8

 Saturday, April 11, 2020

Had a rough day, emotionally today. This quarantine has been like that for my whole family--we seem to have OK days and then days where we can hardly get out of bed. Today was like that, then I decided to get some gardening done and that helped immensely. Being outdoors is really a tonic for what ails you--feeling the fresh air and sunshine, the breeze in your face. For me, pulling weeks and hauling rocks is its own tonic. My garden looks better and it reminds me of being a child. My mother had a huge garden at our house in Nampa, Idaho. She planted all sorts of fruits and vegetables and we had fruit trees as well. We did a lot of weeding when we were kids--it was usually a chore. Now, however, I find weeding therapeutic. Go figure!

Inside the Pandemic, Day 7

 Thursday, April 9, 2020

Yesterday was a hard day for me, so I didn’t write at all. I had to go to Walmart again, which I am finding increasingly depressing. On a walk this morning with my daughter and my dog, I looked around at the beautiful blue sky, the flowers blooming and the lovely drawings done by neighbors and realized how intensely lucky I am to live in the greatest country on earth. The fact that I can go to the store when I want, that I can walk outside, that the air is fresh--these are all blessings that it is only too easy to take for granted. I’m attaching pics of the sidewalk chalk art because I enjoy them every time I walk by them.

I have a rectangular flower bed that I’ve been working on since we moved to Hiawatha almost three years ago. It was completely overgrown with trumpet vine, weeds and some kind of groundcover--not vinca, but something like it. So, last fall I double-dug it, took out all the weeds and other plant matter and planted a bunch of bulbs. This spring--the pay off! The daffodils are just blooming and the tulips and alliums are getting ready to bloom. It’s far from done, but it looks so much better than it did. I’ll post a picture of it tomorrow. One of the primary reasons we bought this house is because it is situated on two lots and much of it is garden. The hardscaping is in decent shape, but it really needed a gardener to get it beautified. It will be a life-long project, but one I am up for! 

Finally, in my web-browsing last night, I found an interesting article about free courses that you can audit from universities all over the world. There is a gathering point called Class Central where you can search by subject, university, etc. I spent about 15 minutes on it and found almost 20 classes that I’d like to sign up for. There’s another blessing--free learning! Historically, learning has always been for the wealthy, but now anyone with access to the internet can invest in learning to their heart’s desire. Yes, sometimes the world is a big, scary place, but sometimes it is really fabulous.

Inside the Pandemic, Day 6

 Monday, April 6, 2020

This is the original day the quarantine was supposed to end, but it’s been extended several times since then. It’s now supposed to last until April 19, according to Governor Kelly’s order 20-16. (Governor Kelly). When I walk around Hiawatha it’s like a ghost town. Except for Sonic--everyone’s going to Sonic and it is HOPPING! Of course, everyone’s staying in their cars, but it is really busy. I just hope the folks that work there are washing their hands. I’m sure they are. Right? Right. (San Pedro).

Today, I almost forgot that I was supposed to have a staff meeting at 9:00 and joined a minute late. Most of the staff was already there and Mr. Mills was talking, so no one acknowledged me, for which I am grateful! One of my personal pet peeves is lateness, so I’m very embarrassed that I would be late to something. Shame on me! 

Mr. Mills did point out that teachers should--collectively--have only three hours of work for high school students (Bush). The long and short was that we were assigning too much work. We don’t hear that very often! The state of Kansas Task Force sent out a document that says the same, so we teachers have to back off a bit and do what is good for students. In this case, what is good for the students is actually LESS work, rather than more. It’s such a strange, strange world!

Inside the Pandemic, Day 5

 April 3, 2020

It’s the end of the day, and even though I know better by now, I looked at the Johns Hopkins Corona virus page. Over 1,000,000 confirmed cases. The CDC is now (as of today) recommending that people wear cloth masks (but not gloves) when they go out in public. (Recommendations) The logic seems a little fuzzy to me, but they’re going with it anyway. President Trump says he agrees with the CDC, but will not be wearing a mask. Like I said, a bit fuzzy. The problem is the same with the gloves. First, the average person is not a medical professional, so does not know how to safely wear a mask and gloves without cross-contamination. Second, medical professionals actually NEED medical-grade masks and gloves to maintain their safety. So, to wear mask or not? Dunno.

In other news, it snowed/sleeted this morning, so this is the first day in almost a week that I did not go outside the house. I did work out in the basement, but it’s not the same. The weight-lifting was fine, but I’d rather go for a walk outside than use my Gazelle. I know, First World problems. That said, I know that spending time outside is essential for my mental health, so I miss it when I can’t do it. I enjoy being at home and I have lots of stuff to do, but I also like to go outside. Should be nicer tomorrow. 

A good number of students have turned in their assignments already. I put the due date as midnight tonight, so we’ll see what happens tomorrow. I’ve also started working on pulling the yearbook into its final format. We have 17 pages that will be blank if I don’t cobble something together. That’s a significant portion of a 96 page book! It represents what we’re missing from this school year--especially the seniors. What a weird world we live in!

Inside the Pandemic, Day 4

 April 1, 2020

So, I braved Wal-Mart yesterday and it was a bit better than the first time. Still plenty of empty shelves, but I actually found toilet paper and everything else on my list--so I consider it a win. I purposely did not watch the news this morning because I didn’t want to be depressed first thing. It hasn’t really been good news for a while--since December, I guess. However, on Facebook, I found John Krasinski and the “Good News Network” (France). If you are a fan of The Office, or like Krasinski’s work directing and acting in the movie A Quiet Place, you know who he is. I also watch lots of baby animal videos to stay upbeat.

Yesterday, I got out in the garden and pulled weeds, which is also very therapeutic. Even though I hurt all over by dinner time, it was nice to be outside in the fresh air. One upside to this whole pandemic is that with fewer people driving and generally polluting the air, the earth is having a chance to clean and renew itself. Both nitrogen dioxide and carbon monoxide levels have decreased slightly, according to NASA (Patel, 2020). Very slightly--like 1%-- but at least SOMETHING good is coming from all this. That, and we get to spend time with our families. 

The Johns Hopkins site today shows world-wide confirmed COVID cases at 883,225 and US at 189,753. Here’s the good news. So far, of all those confirmed cases, worldwide, 185,377 have recovered. Here’s the question--once those people have recovered, what now? Can they still spread it? Can they get it again? Are they immune? Can we create a vaccine from the immune people? So many questions, so few answers! I know scientists are working as fast as they can, but it’s not fast enough for those who have the virus. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 3

 Tuesday, March 31, 2020 

Just checked in with the Johns Hopkins Coronavirus page and our total numbers are up to 803, 313, with US cases at 164, 719. We’re still in the thick of things, at least according to Dr. Anthony Fauci, who is America’s expert, a member of  the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases since 1984 (Anthony S. Fauci). This is the man who advises our president, so I think we should listen to him! One of the bad things about modern times (which is also a good thing) is that we have access to so much information, it’s hard to know who to trust!

In our morning staff meeting, we talked about the term “pivot and turn” as well as “be gracious”. That is, acknowledging that we must be flexible with each other and to be kind to each other--teachers and students--as we go through something that is new to everyone. It’s not a lie to say that this is a scary time for everyone. It’s also boring, frustrating, irritating, and at times freeing. You can go to a meeting in your pajamas, but you can’t go over to visit a friend unless you both agree to stay 6 feet away from each other. No one knows what the news will bring each day, but we all want to know what is going on in the world. It’s a very hard time for everyone, so being gracious and flexible is just good advice. 

One thing that has been especially scary for me, personally, has been grocery shopping. I went for the first time since Corona started in the US a few weeks ago and I was sincerely shocked. Whole aisles contained empty shelves--eggs, milk, bread, toilet paper, hand sanitizer--just empty. More than any other piece of news or phone call or anything made me terrified. This sort of thing isn’t supposed to happen in America! We are literally the land of plenty, we have established supply chains, equal access to stores and transportation. Except when we don’t. I have to go back to Wal-Mart today because we are running out of some stuff and I’m really nervous about it. I’ll go anyway. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 2

 Monday, March 30, 2020, 8:00am

So, President Trump has extended the “stay at home” order another 30 days--until April. The US is preparing for a surge in cases, deaths and hospital usage and is generally hunkering down, ready for a fight. We are a resilient people and I know we’ll get through this. It is terrifying, however, to watch the news and see the number of cases rising, the number of dead rising. It feels very much like being in a movie I didn’t get invited to. As of today, there are 737.929 cases confirmed, worldwide and 143,055 cases in the US alone. (Center for Systems Science and Engineering 2020). We now have the most cases of any nation. Yikes. I tried to find a place on the Johns Hopkins map that does not have any cases--it’s literally everywhere, even Greenland. 

On a more positive note, I’ve been out walking the dog and walking/jogging myself and I’ve been noticing the flowers popping up. Lots of daffodils, hyacinths and such. Tulips are just starting to come out, no buds yet. My dog and the new cat in our house are really enjoying having all of us home. Here’s a picture of my dog, Kyla. Is she spoiled? Yes, and she likes it that way. She’s about 10 years old and her hips are starting to really bother her, but she’s ALWAYS excited for a walk. I’ll take some pics of the spring flowers next time we’re out so I can include them here. I guess what I’m trying to say is that life, and the world, goes on no matter what crazy stuff we humans get up to. 

Today we’re having online/virtual class for the first time. I’ve had a couple of these virtual meetings so far, and I can’t say they are my favorite format, but they really aren’t that much different than regular meetings, we’re just not all in the same room. I am a little nervous about leading the meeting myself. I haven’t had a chance to practice that, so we’ll see how it goes when we get there. I am really excited to see my student’s faces! I haven’t seen anyone since before Spring Break and that seems like it’s been a long time. 

Just for reference about how fast this Corona Virus (also known as COVID-19, Novel Corona Virus or 2019-nCoV) is moving, the numbers I posted above have already changed (as of 2:12pm) the total cases now stands at 766,336 and the US cases at 153,246. So, yeah, scary! (same source)