New Normal

 9/30/2021

The phrase "It's the New Normal" gets tossed around frequently these days. Hearing it always makes me smile a bit because normal is such a subjective term. I believe people use that term to help them resolve the cognitive dissonance created (largely) by the pandemic. Less so, by the political and social upheaval in the US. There has been so much NEW, so fast that our emotional, social, and physiological systems can't possibly keep up. That has certainly been the case in my life! I've decided that the "new" part of the phrase is OK, but society can keep the "normal" part. No such animal. 

Humans and other animals on planet Earth have always had to incorporate new experiences into our lives. That's how we learn. There is, however, a point at which we can no longer accept new input. We have to be granted time to incorporate the new input. If we don't have that time, most organisms will grind to a halt, freeze, run or die. In a small sense, that's what happened to me on September 10 when I left my teaching job (of 15 years--4 at that location) in the middle of class. My personal, professional, social and emotional lives had not had time to  aggregate the new input and my body/brain forced me to stop. 

I'm grateful for having an understanding husband and family, a steady income and all the other things that middle-class white people tend to take for granted. Without that safety net, I'm not sure what I would have done. Stayed in a job that I had begun dreading? I don't know--that's the most dire consequence I can realistically give myself. I would not have had to sell the house or live in my car or apply for food/shelter assistance, but many would have had to do so. Many are doing so right now. 

One of the things I've always been trained to do is to never leave a job without one in the wings. This time, I didn't have one, which felt like betraying my own system of conduct. I did begin applying almost immediately and was fortunate enough to interview for two interesting positions. I was offered one today and accepted. The pay is about $10,000/year less than what I was making but the benefits of not having to plan every minute of the day, take home work, think about the job every waking hour and having an entire hour for lunch!!! far offset the financial hit. 

My normal is having a job, a family who loves me and living in a beautiful little town in the Midwest of America. When new things come along, I just have to remember to give myself the grace to spend time with them. 

End of an Era (of teaching)

 9/16/2021

Yes, we're still in the pandemic, if anyone is counting. As of today, (according to Johns Hopkins Covid-19 site, my source from the beginning) there have been 4.6 million deaths worldwide from 226,810,008 confirmed cases. On the plus side, there have been 5.8 trillion vaccine doses administered worldwide though the US is far and away the proud owner of both the most monthly cases (4.3 million) and monthly deaths (41,712). India has, cumulatively, 200,000 fewer deaths from Covid-19 and it goes down from there. Had {we} not politicized the virus, masks, vaccines, etc., we wouldn't be on the top of the pile of the dead. It doesn't always look better from the top. 

For me personally, five days ago I walked away from teaching. I was in class during the 9/11 remembrance and at the top of every hour a teacher would come on and say where they were when it happened. As I was teaching high school, none of the students had been alive at the time, so it seemed very much like ancient history to them. And why shouldn't it? So naturally, the kids were having difficulty being respectful, but that's just kids. They were in no way the cause of what happened next. 

Which is that I started to cry, and couldn't stop. The 9/11 remembrances were just the icing on the cake of a long, hard slog of personal and professional challenges. 

PROFESSIONAL: Of the three panic attacks I've had in my life, all three have been as a teacher with the last two being in my current district. Last year, we came back to school amid constant changes, reconfiguring, endless discussion, decisions that immediately were reversed (usually by the CDC or the governor), anger and fear. I was OK coming back to school during most of the high-school only training, but when we had convocation and I walked into the commons with every member of the district present and very few wearing masks I was terrified. I walked back out and stayed out a while until people started trickling in to the auditorium, then I went in to sit in the back, but had to duck out again to hyperventilate in the bathroom. That was the start.

After viewing my class numbers (20-25) and the size of my classroom (very small), I knew I would not be able to social distance there. The principal suggested I teach in another teacher's classroom (most likely without asking that teacher first) and that teacher came down to my classroom and demonstrated how I could fit my desks so that the students would be six feet apart when the CDC was recommending more. It didn't take me long after that to realize that there was no way to be around young people in the building I was in with the community beliefs there were. I drew up my resignation and wrote a check for breaking my contract and was ready to leave. My principal and superintendent met with me the same day and talked me into staying. I wish I'd listened to my gut.

I made it through last year, but it was truly an awful year. Trying to teach online and in person simultaneously didn't really work for anyone and was so tiring. Also, I was not really good at it--my forte is interpersonal relationships and it's very hard to do that if you have to pay attention to the lesson, the interruptions, the in-person students, the online students, the emails, etc., etc. 

PERSONAL: I've spoken here about my son's health, so I won't elaborate, but he's now on a second biologic medication that does not seem to be having much effect. Hence, he is very sick most of the time, in and out of hospitals. My daughter, after two years of constant applications, was finally hired as a third grade teacher for the district in which we live. (I work for a nearby district in a town 20 miles away). So that is good news, but not all stress is bad. My husband has been experiencing some challenges as work as well. 

I'll try to articulate this better in the next entry. Just thinking/writing/talking about it makes me upset.

Class Assignment after the Events of 1/6/2-21

Below is the prompt I gave and my own thoughts upon watching the crazy proceedings of the Capital uprising. I had the students watch the events on CNN, ABC, CBS and Fox News to compare the messages they were getting from a variety of media. I found it really extraordinary how camera angles and word choice can shift perspective.

Thinking about the extraordinary events that occurred yesterday in both DC and across the nation, answer the following:

1.What surprised you? The whole thing surprised me! I did not expect that level of interaction between the protesters and our governing body. The fact that four people died in the melee was shocking when we think about what has always been (in my lifetime anyway), a “peaceful transfer of power.” Nothing was what I expected.
2. What did reporters think you already knew? Reporters assumed some knowledge with the layout of the Capital building and the surrounding area. We saw police cars coming down one of the main roads and then a view of the whole grounds with--they assumed we knew what all of that looked like.
3. What changed, challenged, or confirmed your thinking? I was challenged by the fact that President-Elect Biden spoke publicly before President Trump. I had hoped for some leadership from our duly-elected leaders and was disappointed in the overall response from the current administration.

Inside the Pandemic, Day 28

July 27, 2020

So, still here, COVID-19 cases still going up, especially in US, Brazil, and several other countries. Most countries are in their second waves or have locked it down completely (Australia and New Zealand notably). Johns Hopkins reports today that there are 16,296,635 confirmed cases worldwide. Huge increase from May!!! Fortunately, the worldwide rate of deaths has slowed as healthcare workers have figured this thing out. World-wide, we are at 649,662 deaths. I see from my last entry that “we’re not projected to get” to the number of dead from the 1918 flu pandemic, but it looks like we’re getting dangerously close. Since May, our cases in Brown County have risen to 27, but we are rising rather than flattening (the curve). 

Last week, our governor, God bless and keep her, issued two executive orders that 1) school should be delayed until September 9 and 2) all students and staff should wear masks. Our very Republican state immediately went to work to try and circumvent her orders and did so. The state board of education tied a vote about order 1, thus nullifying it. As for order 2, it is still in debate and will likely be so until we go back to school. I’ve been in several meetings about going back to school and there is a plan in place for F2F (face to face), but also for hybrid and online. It changes all the time. 

In domestic affairs, I’m still working on a project to Dry-Lock the basement and and nearing the end. Super hard rain last night and no leaks (at all!!!) this morning, so yay me. With my dear husband’s help, I also figured out how to use the power washer so I can work on the deck refinishing project as well. There’s also the ongoing project of planning how to teach without touching or getting near anybody or having the students get near each other. Really turns lesson planning on its head! I’ve learned a lot about digital learning though, so that’s good. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 27

 Tuesday, May 19 2020

Last day of school--strangest check out ever! Usually all the teachers are in the building, people are playing music, we all go around and chat with each other. Someone is frantically grading those last essays/tests/projects. The old-timers (who were done grading last week) are hanging out. Sometimes there’s an impromptu party. Not this time. We were only allowed in the building by ones and twos. No kiddos--of course there haven’t been since Spring Break when the COVID-tastrophe happened. I saw three teachers and the secretaries plus one student. Couldn’t hug anyone goodbye or go out for lunch with my teacher friends. 

However, I did have what I call a paradigm change as I was chatting with the language teacher. We hadn’t seen each other in several months and so were catching each other up on what had been happening in our lives. I talked about Ethan’s diagnosis, she talked about baby goats. Now, I know her life is far from perfect, but what she chose to bring to that brief conversation was a happy, nay, joyful event. Although my news was legitimate (and, truthfully, is taking up most of my mental/physical/emotional focus right now) I thought about what she chose to share and how it made my day that much brighter. I’m doubtful my news did the same for her. So the shift I’m going to try to make with myself is to choose to share the parts of my life that will enrich someone else’s. We have enough bad news as it is. 

Speaking of . . . As of today, we’re up to 4,892,550 confirmed cases nationwide (Center for Systems). All nations have begun wide-scale testing, so the figure will most likely go quite a bit higher as we begin to see the complete scale and scope of the thing. Global deaths are 322, 861. For reference, here’s how deaths from COVID in the US stack up against other illnesses (Begley). From the same site as the chart below, 671,000 people died from the flu epidemic in 1918, so we’re not there yet and not projected to get there. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 25 & 26

 Friday, May 15 2020

Ethan had a doctor’s appointment today to check on his skin infection and to update our family practitioner on what happened with the colonoscopy and endoscopy of Monday. We went in early to get a variety of blood tests and stayed later to get him a CT test, all requested by the gastroenterologist. While we were waiting for the CT, Dr. Datti

Saturday, May 16 2020

Today is my baby girl’s birthday. Her 24th. I’m sure when she looked forward to her 24th birthday, being jobless and stuck at home in a world-wide pandemic was not on her list of ideal situations. However, we celebrated the day with cheesecake and a home-made dinner of ricotta gnocchi with spinach cream sauce. It was yummy (if I do say so myself) and we had a nice time together as a family. 

Inside the Pandemic, Day 24

 Tuesday, May 12 2020

In four days, my daughter will be 23. I could tell this morning that it is going to be a hard day for her. She’s not much of a smiler in the best of times, but this morning her face just looked like a blank--no emotion at all. One of the kiddos is suffering physically, the other mentally. I’ll get her out on a walk after I’m done with classes today. I’m not sure it helps her, but I’m a firm believer in fresh air and sunshine--and it can’t hurt!

Ethan says he feels better today. He looks better, and on only two days of steroids. Could it be psychological? Not sure, but it’s good to see him moving around a bit more. Granted, he’s still spending 95% of his time in bed, but his hips are mostly gone, so of course he’s in pain from that. I’m just happy that his gut seems to be feeling better and he can eat. Maybe he’ll start putting on some weight now. 

As far as COVID-19, the world is up to 4,229.074 confirmed cases with 289,349 deaths globally. I mentioned that we had a case in Brown County, and one of my students confirmed that the case was someone she knew in Horton. In Hiawatha, they tested the waste water and found confirmation of coronavirus in that. Believe you me, that caused quite a stir--people thought it meant that the drinking water was not safe (not sure how they could confuse waste water with drinking water??) so the local news was busy trying to clear that up. I’m including a screen grab from the Johns Hopkins site, below: Notice how North America and Europe are mostly red? It didn’t look like that in January, I can assure you! It just reminds me of all the disaster movies I’ve ever watched. There’s always that one scene where the show the computer simulation of the earthquake or the missles or the disease spreading and it happens so fast, and you think-- “That could never happen in real life!”--news flash, it’s happening!

It’s hard to believe, but we are actually living through a world-wide pandemic. They never talk about how boring it really is. I guess that wouldn’t make good cinema!